FRUSTRATION.

I'm sorry for all the negativity I manage to shove into these posts. It was not my intention, but this has transformed into my therapy, so get an ear load of this.

I finally realize how being called skinny can be on the same degree of insult as being called fat. I know, it sounds absoloutley ludicrous. I remember smiting girls who complained about how thin they were. I remember thinking that I'd do ANYTHING to get to a point where people worried about how small I was getting.

Well, I'm there. And you know what? it fucking sucks. I have been bombarded with nothing but insults. After all of my hard work it would really be nice to hear a "You're looking good these days" or something. But no. My so-called concerned friends decide to have an intervetion when there is nothing to intervene. My mom stuff the fridge with every single one of my favourite junk foods in hopes to see me binge like I used to.

Honestly, it's just so frustrating. It makes me want to throw my hands up, give up and give them what they want. Then the other side of me wants to prove them wrong. The other side of me wants to eat nothing, just because it is the opposite of what they are telling me to do.

I have a friend who suffers from an eating disorder. For some reason she took it upon herself to invade my privacy, quiz me on my habits and accuse me of having the same thing she does. She says I don't eat enough calories for a growing girl. She says I've changed. She says that back in the day, if someone was full, they'd give there food to me, because I'd be sure to eat it. That is how they saw me. Minnie the human garbage can. Fuck sakes.

What really grinds my gears more then anything is that SHE is preaching this unnecessary bullshit to me is that SHE IS THE ONE WITH THE FUCKING EATING DISORDER. Don't tell me I don't eat enough when you KNOW you won't eat breakfast, lunch or dinner, and if you do all the contents will end up in the fucking toilet bowl anyways. How hypocritical and twisted. How am i supposed to acknowledge her advice, it just seems so fake. How genuine can a person be when they are doing everything they are telling me not to do except 3303030 x worse. She doesn't give a shit about me. She's just jealous that I got off this weight in a HEALTHY manner, while she barfs up half an apple sauce and then binges on the weekends.

I've tried to help her, so many times. But all she does is lie. Denies. Refuses my help. Every time I tell her "You have an eating disorder, get help," she says "How do you know that why, does it look like I've lost weight?" Eagerly waiting the reply that she is stick thin. But no, she has not lost weight, you can't when you're eating patterns are as fucked up as that.

She is an example of everything I don't want to be. It's just so stressful, doing this whole lifestyle change, when you have ZERO support. My blog is the only place where people actually understand me. I am the only 16 year old in my school who DARE go against society and actually do something to better my life.

So you can tell me I have a fucking disorder, yu can tell me I'm too skinny, you can wave every chocolate bar or taco in my face or try and shove it down my throat. I've worked way to hard to let stupid hypocrites who call themselves my friends get me down. Just please, LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE.