As the title of this blog states, I am in fact, very fatigued. I just got in the door from an all-day trip to Stratford. We went to the theater to watch Macbeth. Frankly I had no fucking clue what was going on and had to force my eyes to stay open to get my $45.00 worth.
Afterward we went shopping, which I don't want to go into too much detail about because I am still emotionally scarred from leaving that adorable, brown, knitted sweater behind, it's little buttons staring at me, pleading me to make a mad dash for the ATM and give it a home. Gah.
I thought that this day was going to be an inevitable calorie bomb. It seems every time I go somewhere or do something social, temptations flood me like flies to a 3 day old pig carcass. I actually did surprisingly well. Although I was THIS close to getting a slice of blueberry cheesecake, and that greasy, glorious Chinese food was THIS close to luring me with its deep-fried aroma, I resisted.
It was not very difficult, seeing as the people I was with all day refused to eat anything. The last thing I wanted was to have a steaming plate of poutine piled high to the ceiling as they sat there nibbling the nails on their knobby fingers.
Ugh, it's so frustrating, it feels like I'm surrounded by hoards of people with eating disorders, and I'm powerless to do anything. What scares me is because I'm on this diet, I can so easily be dragged down to their level. It's like I'm hovering over the line of good and evil, and being around girls who think their thighs are fat when their whole body is the size of mine is slowly dragging me down.
I need to stay positive though because that is dangerous territory. To lose weight, you gotta exercise, and to exercise, you gotta eat. I used to aim for rail thin but now I'm just aiming for healthy. Which I believe I am very close to achieving.
Anyways back to having a social life equaling upping my caloric intake by 85%... that is something else that stresses me out. It's hard to find a balance. Everyone looks at me funny when I order a salad as they shovel away chicken wings or bacon burgers. They never straight up say it but I think they see me as snobby when I say "Grilled chicken wrap please, but no cheddar or ranch sauce, and make that a whole wheat tortilla." Then there is the alcohol. I know I'm too young to be drinking but let's not sugar coat things; where I grow up, avoiding becoming a full-time drinker by the time you're in high school is next to impossible. I don't drink often, but when I do, I almost always end up binging, which is one of the biggest calorie bombs known to man. I just can't find a way around it. Peer pressure is through the roof in my life. Saying no to a drink or waving away that giant bowl of buttered popcorn being passed around during a movie can do immense damage to your social status. It may sound irrelevant but if you think about it; to fit in, you do what everyone else does. Everyone drinks. Everyone eats like hogs. Therefore every time I decline the invitation to make deep-fried Mars bars at a girl's nights or order grilled salmon instead of a chicken cheese melt, people start thinking differently of me. It's tough being sixteen.
This weekend is going to be a toughie, like every other. It is the annual fair, which means rides, creepy carnies, and how can we forget the CANDY APPLES, the FUDGE, the HOT DOGS, the COTTON CANDY. To make matters worse everyone's planning to get drunk before the fair, to up the cool factor. Ugh. Do you think that when it comes to the point where I DON'T look forward to the weekend, I have a problem? I don't know. What I do know is, I don't want to undo all my hard work. Wish me luck y'all. Here's my food log.
Breakfast
Smoothie with:
-1 banana
-3 blackberries
-1 tbsp skim milk
Lunch
Mixed:
-Cooked cauliflower
-Turkey
-1 tbsp salsa
(my own recipe!)
Snack
Apple
Supper
4 pieces of sushi
No exercise tonight unfortunately. I'm way too tired, and I think it would do more damage then good. I'm constantly sore all the time these days, my poor nonathletic body punishing me for late night jumping jacks. I'm going to finish this cup of green tea, pack my lunch, pick my outfit and header' to bed, night everyone!
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alcohol is one of my biggest struggles too, and it's so hard for me to find a balance. I'm in college and i'm in a town where if you have a social status, you have to keep up your appearances to certain places. And most of those places are bars & social events- and how lame is it going to a bar and not drinking? I cringe at the thought of saying to the bartender "oh can I just get a water with lime, please?" like they'd probably think i was being sarcastic anyway and give me a glass of straight vodka. and it's not like you can walk around in a bar without a drink without looking like a total moron.
ReplyDeleteSo i did some research, so I don't have to completely lose my social life during this diet. Because I think alcohol is a part of life, and I think it's important (like you said) to find a balance and be able to drink occasionally.
i've decided to just plainly stay away from beer all together- it's too much carbs and calories. You can get way more drunk for less calories with a vodka & soda with lime, which i think is very classy to order anyway.
and as for the people that make you feel weird for eating healthy- fuck them. Honestly, they're just jealous of your will power. your health is the most important thing, so keep your head up.
sorry this is long, but i know how bothering the whole alcohol thing can be and i thought i could help =)